Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
soo... how was my night?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize