I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
there was a trapeze. enough said
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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