your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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