Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
