all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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