Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
