The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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