he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
