ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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