Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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