I wish my penis had an off switch
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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