Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
All the doctor said was why
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
