i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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