our cab driver is having phone sex.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
