i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
we're making bets on your personal life
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
