i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
