my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
