Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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