i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
