i'm signing you up for texting rehab
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
