She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize