I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize
