i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
