Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
barbara walters just said penis...
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
