You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
