Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
