mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
