I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
