In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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