He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
