There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
