All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
