i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
