Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
