so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
