I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
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