So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize