I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
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