Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
