Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
