I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
