you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
