The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
