Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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