Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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