Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize