Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
