Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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