I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I looked at my own cervix.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize