i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
