I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
