She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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