wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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