How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
