I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize