He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
