Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
We are two peas in an std pod
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
