dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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