I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
