I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize