I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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