im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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