Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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