You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
