i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
