Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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