I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
