he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
