You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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