mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
