I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize