He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
