found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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