My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
