Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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